On emotional attachment and passion for your work

I generally blog when I am too free and wondering about life in general or when there is too much chaos to deal with and I am not being able to make sense of things.

Lately I accepted the fact that earning a good amount of extra money will solve a lot of my problems. So, I dedicated my focus to developing products. I do have a very strong technical profile and i have met people who recognized it and allowing me to work on their dream projects.

So far so good. Now executing projects required a good amount of labour and a lot of coordination. I am working with people I have never met which is on contrast to working with friends. To friends you don’t have to show a lot of feeling like appreciation, gratitude and there is no need to apologize. At least that’s the kind of friends I have. I will be nothing compared to what I am now without their constant support and guidance. Love you guys.

One of my biggest weakness is to understand the flow of emotions and it’s implications on others. For the simple reason that I am a bit emotionally shut down of a guy. I lack appreciation and gratitude in general. It becomes even more difficult with people I don’t know well.

I am working on a startup these days and one of the tasks is branding. I am working with an good team of energetic designers named Desto and one of my oldest platform programmers karthik. These are excellent people and had been doing good job. They are emotionally connected to what they do. I really like to work with people with such passion. My downside is managing their energy. The problem is purely coordination. I took some crucial decisions boldly like changing the logo without waiting for my partners consent. I had some comments that I withheld and let the work progress. In the end when we were nearing the end my partner rejected the logo and the color themes. The result meant that we have to redo a lot of work. I am from engineering design industry and revisions of work due to change of concept is everyday stuff for me. I did what I do everyday with my colleagues. Press the buzzer and say STOP. In my situations people just go grab a coffee have a look at the new concept and start working again. The client pays for the laptop hours and we try to reuse as much as possible of our current work. Sometimes we use it in future projects and nothing is wasted. We are not emotionally connected to the project. we don’t care.

However thats not the case with my design team. They adore their job. Their approach have touched me. They got all upset when I pressed the buzzer. I had no idea why were they freaked out. I thought it was money. As it’s with our clients. Here it was not. It’s really inspiring to see the level of attachment and commitment this young team has for what they do. This incident have cost me one day of downtime but an experience for a lifetime. Working with these guys have made me remember the basics of working Together on something you love.

I have read about this experience many times in books but experiencing it first hand is an entirely different experience.

Looking forward to not repeating the same mistake and wish life walks me through more such experiences. Sooner than later.




Feeling like i felt in college

Don’t know why but today I am feeling like I used to feel when the sem used to end in iit and some of the friends have left and some are yet to leave. I always stayed back a few days more than usual just for this feeling…. It brings a very absolute kind of calmness in life. It feels somewhat similar to what I used to when I stood in front of a picture of a boat hanging in the dark room in my village which was lit only by a little sunlight peeping from the holed of the old black wooden window.


A lot have changed in the past few months and I haven’t given myself enough time to absorb and understand everything that’s going around me. I mistake I decided to avoid long back to avoid making. It’s almost 4 months since I have stepped in the corporate life and most of the time had been sadly spent in bickering and mockery.

Let’s have a What You Wanted and What You Got Approach on that :

What I wanted :

Joined the present job after weighting it against the 3 other options that I had and the primary objectives that I wanted to accomplish from this Job were Money, Exposure, Guidance , personal life, Tag of the company and make some contacts. All in all to get a firm foundation.

What I got:

Money – Primary requirement of any fresh graduate. I am not really satisfied with the pay as i feel I am much more capable but have to understand it from the Industry’s point of view that in the end I am just a fresher.As far as the company is concerned most of them feel that they have done a huge favor by giving a job to a fresher and we are of no use except for the dirty jobs. The pay is as good as any good job in good times back in India but still pained by the fact that every tom, dick and harry makes double the amount that I make for doing the same job that I do, but that’s OK. I knew that beforehand  anyway and was always prepared for it. As far as I am concerned I am better off than I could have been in India in this department It just took three months to settle all the loans I took for dad’s accident and to pay for my initial expensed for settling in Mumbai and then here in Singapore. I wanted to buy a lot of stuff as I mentioned in the last post which slightly pisses me off a bit 😀 but that’s just being desperate without any concrete reason to be.So, all in all not much concerns here. A few more cash won’t hurt though >:)

Exposure – Couldn’t have been better. Straight out of the college I am matching node-by-node and graph-by-graph the results of the best consultants in the field of ship design. The experience in double-sided with both hydrodynamics, Structural and to add cherry on top mooring analysis. The three top-sort-after skills in the field.

I am working on Billion dollar projects with a quarter year of experience and the scale of the work is just mind-boggling which is helping me to get a hang of these big numbers. I am working with the tools I used to dream about using a few months back in college. As per the feedback from friends and classmates about the things they are getting to use I can say I am a million times better of because these people have the luxury of money to be able to spare such expensive tools for my learning leisure. I can select any kind of work and the technical managers here are very encouraging If I am interested in learning stuff.

Also there is additional pressure  sometimes to do stuff you didn’t knew rat’s ass about in a very short span of time which is totally welcome as that’s the best way to get my lazy head working and I learn things that I would have taken months to learn or never learn in matter of days and sometimes hours!!!

Guidance –
Very Bad. But that was never an issue. There is lot of old data to refer to and learn which pretty much makes up for it and then for the issue that whether the procedure is correct or wrong for which there are a lot of past results to verify with. In a way if there was guidance then It would have actually taught us the standardized procedure of doing things in steps rather than going around the system a few times over and trying to make sense of everything and in the process learn a lot more and get a deeper and broader understanding of the concepts involved and techniques used which boosts the confidence by leaps and bounds.

It gives the confidence – See boss, I know how to do it right. I take the responsibility. Too much to ask after a quarter year of exposure but right now I feel that confidence fuming out of me. I can do things MY way. It matters a lot to me because that’s how I had to do things all the times. I never really had much guidance anyway, so I don’t really care i there isn’t any here too 😉 Just makes me feel at home.

Personal Life –
This is the part that’s most messed up. Really messy. I am pissed(again). I already wrote the last post describing the part I am pissed off due to the accommodation. I have somehow come on terms with that giving myself time till the probation period gets over and it becomes clear what the company has in store for me. But I so hate the lame excuse of recession for having studied it already so closely and knowing the fact that a lot of companies are just using it as an excuse to save a lot of cash which they couldn’t have otherwise.

Another part is I miss my friends and college life. Heck the best possible life. The fact that I miss the most is that there was always someone who was ready to go to the beach, or the pub or cycling a few km’s, or hiking, or go for a walk at 4 o clock in the night or just listen to my ramblings about this monster of the world. Life was a party. It’s different here.

I have managed to make a decent number of friends and I already enjoy the company of a few here in office and outside office too. But the things that is missing is the extreme understanding and intimacy. I know it will take time to bring that feeling of closeness with the new friends but I still miss it everywhere I go and in everything I do. I never though i was so attached to those lunatics back in college. Love u guys. I love the fact that I am visiting a new country something that I always wanted to. I am learning a lot about the world and watching all the colors of the world with my very own 6/6 eyes but I wish if there were the college friends also here to make it a whole lot more interesting. But, I guess i will have to pacify with the fact that one can’t have it all at the same time, but hey I can always dream right 🙂

The another thing that I strangely love is the fact that IITians are not the HOT thing and OMG he is from IIT he will have the 30 pound of brains and all that. I know that feeling is now decreased quite a lot in India too but here it’s just totally different. ball game. you are just an engineer who got lucky and landed here in Singapore and trying best to make the most out of it in terms of money and career both. There is no advantage of being an IITian and also the pressure of high-expectations of  being the IITian ;). I see both of them to my advantage. It sheds of the additional wings that gets attached to us living in the virtual-world of IIT and is acting like a good wake up call to the reality. Also due to the not-higher-than-cloud-no.9 expectation I can actually breathe and at times say “I don’t know” and it’s OK to do that. your boss actually understands that you are just a fresh engineer and not a successor of Einstein 😀

Issues –
I still want to opt for a better accommodation but not able to as there are certain complicated and very intricately strings attached with the agreement which i can’t talk here about but that makes it practically impossible to act freely. Some of those strings can potentially ruin all that is going good. I might have to make a few bold moves along with a few planned ones to make sure that nothing that could really suck happens 😉 It can as well go very smooth too, but there are still grey-patches to be prepared for. Preaparing, something i am very bad at. I live on Instincts, but this time I have to learn to factor in some logical planning too. What a pain >:D

PS : Overall I am on the happier side of the line and as such nothing much to worry and whine about 🙂

The Best Of Worlds – via Outlookindia.com

I couldn’t resist putting this article on my blog. I was always planning to write one article like this, but i am sure that I couldn’t have done a better job. For my friends who are not from India IITians are the graduates of Indian Institute of Technology group of Engineering colleges of India and for considered to be an overdose of Intelligence. Here goes the article.

Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of IITians do nothing of note in their lives. Indeed, many of them became IITians because their parents told them that’s what they should mug their butts off for, and aim to hit the US of A, so that’s what they did. They attended classes, took notes, passed exams, took the gre, applied to a dozen American universities, and disappeared into that country’s vast technological underbelly, to reappear only in the matrimonial columns of Indian papers with a dollar salary multiplied diligently by the day’s exchange rate. Or they stayed in India, working at unexceptionable jobs, doing reasonably well. In either case, they got beautiful brides (often from rich families) and presumably lived happily ever after, meeting classmates once a month and chatting about their IIT days, and how Hippo has just changed jobs, and Zap is three rungs away from the top in Cisco Systems. Each of them had intelligence well above the average, and most, exceptional academic tenacity.

A decade and a half out of IIT, I wonder how many of us IITians achieved our potential? How many went to seed in remote dusty townships, tending massive pipelines and drinking in the township club? How many wilfully walked away from their natural talents in favour of safe MNC jobs selling diapers and hire-purchase schemes? How many, trained to think rationally and without bias, never managed to figure out the nuances of Indian office politics, and were relegated to obscure corridors in huge buildings? How many, obsessed with the American dream, settled for second-rate US universities, hung in for a green card, and today work at unfulfilling jobs in Idaho?

There’s another angle too to this. How many IITians, determined to stay engineers and in India, ignored the siren songs of the USA and the IIMs, and joined Indian industry, only to find that all the technical designs came from abroad, that you couldn’t change them even if you knew they were flawed, that all the engineering you got to do was maintenance, and knowing all that, they either settled into mediocrity, or went off to the US or the iims?

What was my IIT education all about? It was about IITians: 400 academically exceptional boys (and 12 girls) on a campus, which, in the case of Kharagpur, where I went, was far enough from civilisation to have very interesting effects on our coming of age. Many of us were truly extraordinary. There were boys from village schools who were leagues ahead in knowledge of the urban convent-educated type. There were those who mugged night and day, or simpered at professors from first benches, and there were those who also had a vibrant and busy life outside academics. I’ve found that the latter did better in life, even in fields like pure research. I also had friends who never needed to study, they had been apparently born with engineering wisdom in their genes. There were guys who spent most of the semester in a drug haze, but sobered up a few days before the exams, cracked them, and went back to their pharmaceuticals. Others did not have such control. Like Allen Ginsberg, I too saw some of the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness. A few dropped out (I met one of them years later in Shillong, a stridently devout convert to Catholicism, and a lowly government clerk, but he seemed happy), a few killed themselves. But, most of us survived. I suppose we became tougher, more mature, more knowing, and more aware of our dark sides.

We lived and ate together, and shared our joys and heartbreaks and good times and bad times, in competition and camaraderie. We compared our philosophies and, bit by stumbling bit, developed our value systems. Never were stronger bonds forged between young people. Years from now, if I meet an IIT wingmate on the road, I know we will carry on as if nothing had changed, and nothing actually would have. A couple of years ago, there was a small visual trick on an Outlook cover, which was my idea. A close IIT friend, whom I had not been in touch with for years, called up from Singapore: “Some other name is mentioned in the cover credits, but it was your idea, right? I know the way you think.” No one knows me better than these mates of mine from IIT.

IIT was also a whole insular world in itself, complex and complete, and it sucked us in. As The Chosen, we lived a full life with no necessity of any contact with the outside world. Totally cut off from politics and “the bigger issues”, our delights remained in competing fiercely on the field or the stage with other hostels or other colleges. There were few material pleasures. Lifestyles were spartan, the food abysmal. The vast majority of males were totally deprived of female company. The girls lived a strange life-on the one hand, they were hounded by dozens of would-be suitors; on the other, they faced the petulant hostility of the majority which saw them as undeserving of so much adulation and so many free lunches.

When we graduated, we went out into the world with a rare confidence and strong tribal loyalties. The confidence eroded a bit over the years, and we learnt some humility when we discovered non-IITians as smart as we were, and also people who could outwit us because they were intelligent in a different way-in a sly political way-an acumen we had not developed in our isolated environment which, above all, inculcated a sense of fairness and a respect for ability. We came to terms with a world that compared poorly with our beloved campus, and some of us even went ahead and conquered it. Others didn’t do well, but knew that the ties between them and the masters-of-the-universe classmates would never change. They were ties born of the pride of being an IITian. That pride would never diminish.

It never can.

The author, Deputy Editor of Outlook, is an Electronics Engineer from IIT Kharagpur. He also met his wife at IIT.

Here is the link to the article on Outlookindia.com http://www.outlookindia.com/article.aspx?209444

Life at IIT in 100 posts

This is my 100th post and it’s about time that I pass out of the college. The only thing that is left is the B Tech Project. A few friends have already left for their home etc.

and I am wondering what just happened…

4 years passed away like yesterday..

I can very clearly remember everything about the da i entered IIT and yet it’s four years.

What just happened?

I won’t write what will i remember the most, because when i think of it a thousand things pop up and they are all the most memorable moments of my life..

I actually barely remember much about my life before IIT. It feels like i was born here rather than born to be here.

Love u all my friends.. the jewels of my life had been my friends. I am glad that I came in touch with every single one of them.

Love u all..

Ek peedhi aati hai, ek peedhi jati hain

It was a wonderful experience writing RG’s,  generating video ideas, planning the shots and working with the whole wing together. We did so many things in four years, but for the first time, as far as i remember, almost the whole wing was working. I enjoyed making this awesome video than the video itself.

Moli and Mamme deserve special mention for putting megalomaniac efforts in making the video a reality.

Keep rocking – FIKAR NOT.