Introspections….

A lot have changed in the past few months and I haven’t given myself enough time to absorb and understand everything that’s going around me. I mistake I decided to avoid long back to avoid making. It’s almost 4 months since I have stepped in the corporate life and most of the time had been sadly spent in bickering and mockery.

Let’s have a What You Wanted and What You Got Approach on that :

What I wanted :

Joined the present job after weighting it against the 3 other options that I had and the primary objectives that I wanted to accomplish from this Job were Money, Exposure, Guidance , personal life, Tag of the company and make some contacts. All in all to get a firm foundation.

What I got:

Money – Primary requirement of any fresh graduate. I am not really satisfied with the pay as i feel I am much more capable but have to understand it from the Industry’s point of view that in the end I am just a fresher.As far as the company is concerned most of them feel that they have done a huge favor by giving a job to a fresher and we are of no use except for the dirty jobs. The pay is as good as any good job in good times back in India but still pained by the fact that every tom, dick and harry makes double the amount that I make for doing the same job that I do, but that’s OK. I knew that beforehandย  anyway and was always prepared for it. As far as I am concerned I am better off than I could have been in India in this department It just took three months to settle all the loans I took for dad’s accident and to pay for my initial expensed for settling in Mumbai and then here in Singapore. I wanted to buy a lot of stuff as I mentioned in the last post which slightly pisses me off a bit ๐Ÿ˜€ but that’s just being desperate without any concrete reason to be.So, all in all not much concerns here. A few more cash won’t hurt though >:)

Exposure – Couldn’t have been better. Straight out of the college I am matching node-by-node and graph-by-graph the results of the best consultants in the field of ship design. The experience in double-sided with both hydrodynamics, Structural and to add cherry on top mooring analysis. The three top-sort-after skills in the field.

I am working on Billion dollar projects with a quarter year of experience and the scale of the work is just mind-boggling which is helping me to get a hang of these big numbers. I am working with the tools I used to dream about using a few months back in college. As per the feedback from friends and classmates about the things they are getting to use I can say I am a million times better of because these people have the luxury of money to be able to spare such expensive tools for my learning leisure. I can select any kind of work and the technical managers here are very encouraging If I am interested in learning stuff.

Also there is additional pressureย  sometimes to do stuff you didn’t knew rat’s ass about in a very short span of time which is totally welcome as that’s the best way to get my lazy head working and I learn things that I would have taken months to learn or never learn in matter of days and sometimes hours!!!

Guidance –
Very Bad. But that was never an issue. There is lot of old data to refer to and learn which pretty much makes up for it and then for the issue that whether the procedure is correct or wrong for which there are a lot of past results to verify with. In a way if there was guidance then It would have actually taught us the standardized procedure of doing things in steps rather than going around the system a few times over and trying to make sense of everything and in the process learn a lot more and get a deeper and broader understanding of the concepts involved and techniques used which boosts the confidence by leaps and bounds.

It gives the confidence – See boss, I know how to do it right. I take the responsibility. Too much to ask after a quarter year of exposure but right now I feel that confidence fuming out of me. I can do things MY way. It matters a lot to me because that’s how I had to do things all the times. I never really had much guidance anyway, so I don’t really care i there isn’t any here too ๐Ÿ˜‰ Just makes me feel at home.

Personal Life –
This is the part that’s most messed up. Really messy. I am pissed(again). I already wrote the last post describing the part I am pissed off due to the accommodation. I have somehow come on terms with that giving myself time till the probation period gets over and it becomes clear what the company has in store for me. But I so hate the lame excuse of recession for having studied it already so closely and knowing the fact that a lot of companies are just using it as an excuse to save a lot of cash which they couldn’t have otherwise.

Another part is I miss my friends and college life. Heck the best possible life. The fact that I miss the most is that there was always someone who was ready to go to the beach, or the pub or cycling a few km’s, or hiking, or go for a walk at 4 o clock in the night or just listen to my ramblings about this monster of the world. Life was a party. It’s different here.

I have managed to make a decent number of friends and I already enjoy the company of a few here in office and outside office too. But the things that is missing is the extreme understanding and intimacy. I know it will take time to bring that feeling of closeness with the new friends but I still miss it everywhere I go and in everything I do. I never though i was so attached to those lunatics back in college. Love u guys. I love the fact that I am visiting a new country something that I always wanted to. I am learning a lot about the world and watching all the colors of the world with my very own 6/6 eyes but I wish if there were the college friends also here to make it a whole lot more interesting. But, I guess i will have to pacify with the fact that one can’t have it all at the same time, but hey I can always dream right ๐Ÿ™‚

The another thing that I strangely love is the fact that IITians are not the HOT thing and OMG he is from IIT he will have the 30 pound of brains and all that. I know that feeling is now decreased quite a lot in India too but here it’s just totally different. ball game. you are just an engineer who got lucky and landed here in Singapore and trying best to make the most out of it in terms of money and career both. There is no advantage of being an IITian and also the pressure of high-expectations ofย  being the IITian ;). I see both of them to my advantage. It sheds of the additional wings that gets attached to us living in the virtual-world of IIT and is acting like a good wake up call to the reality. Also due to the not-higher-than-cloud-no.9 expectation I can actually breathe and at times say “I don’t know” and it’s OK to do that. your boss actually understands that you are just a fresh engineer and not a successor of Einstein ๐Ÿ˜€

Issues –
I still want to opt for a better accommodation but not able to as there are certain complicated and very intricately strings attached with the agreement which i can’t talk here about but that makes it practically impossible to act freely. Some of those strings can potentially ruin all that is going good. I might have to make a few bold moves along with a few planned ones to make sure that nothing that could really suck happens ๐Ÿ˜‰ It can as well go very smooth too, but there are still grey-patches to be prepared for. Preaparing, something i am very bad at. I live on Instincts, but this time I have to learn to factor in some logical planning too. What a pain >:D

PS : Overall I am on the happier side of the line and as such nothing much to worry and whine about ๐Ÿ™‚

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