A lot of frustration taking over these days, here are some primary reasons…
The Room I am living in preety much sucks, and the worst part is I can’t even change It even though I am ready to pay for it.
The company I am working for is practically paying me half of what is generally paid to people who work here.
I am earning a lot more than I would have earned in India and certainly saving a lot more as i don’t have to pay for accommodation as of now, but again the accomodation is the primary reason for frustration.
I am not sleeping well these days as the apartment doesn’t have an AC and it’s quite hot here in nights. I am not in a position to rent a new flat as i don’t know whether i will be here for an year or not.
I am really getting pissed. The company is not ready to accept to proposal of hiring a better flat and we paying the overdue amount. That sucks too. So basically the company doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the way their employees stay. I have interacted with a lot of HR folks but it’s the worst kind here.
I feel like I am making a fool out of myself by working here. The exposure was supposed to be good here. I was supposed to be working on large scale projects. That doesn’t look like happening anytime soon. The market is in a poor state. There are no new projects coming our way. The company is a production site and not really worried about the design part much. I was lucky enough to get enrolled in the training of a spohisticated package which will help, but there are no projects as of now to apply that knowledge to.
In the meantime I finally got some work to learn the hydrodynamic analysis of Semi-submersible. Any other day when I am in good mood I would have jumped to the opportunity and would have torn-through the assignment. But not this time.
This time I am pissed.I am sleep deprived. I am not thinking clearly. I am angry. I feel like being taken advantage of. I am not fine with it. I am worth more.
I am pissed because I feel I am not making the correct use of my time. Partly I am to blame and partly the circumstances. But if I look at it another way.
I have a whole lot of resources at my disposal, I am in a position to say I don’t want to do this and rather do that. I can read and learn a lot. I have already added a lot of concepts and a few analysis under my belt already. I have been making quite a lot of friends and had great time with them. I am in a new country learning about a new culture and have a job in the time of recession(that sounds like an excuse).
I am a bit confused. Should I make the switch or stay here and learn more about the cruel world. From the thought of cruel world, I can’t really give-in to it. It will devour me if it’s given a chance to do so. I should fight against it. But there are always a few compromises that one has to make. I am ready to compromise on some comfort If I am sure that I will achieve what I really want to.
The yard experience is a must in the career of a Naval Architect and that’s what I am trying to get here. I will be going on an inclining this friday and that will be a big-experience addition. I know a lot of Naval Architects who had never been to one. I don’t want to be like that. Just I will have to do something about the accommodation issue.
All these small frustration are part of the cycle. They keep coming for something or other and I keep writing them off. There are a bunch of things to cope up for. One being to accept the fact that you are a fresher again and expecting top-notch assignments at this early stage is slightly asking too much. We get used to be on top of things and hierarchy by the time we pass out from college. Have to shed that attitude of.
Another being the expectation to be treated like an elite. Like the world revolves around you. We don’t behave like that openly but a part of it remains in you. When everyone around you reminds you everytime that you are born to do great things, you are a genius etc it will make an impact on the way you think no matter how immune one might try to act. One may be destined to do great things but that great thing is the destiny and not the one to begin with. One might be a genius, that just means he has to work harder to achieve what he wants to. If you are a genius then it’s very much possible that you are working on a tougher and far more involving problem compared to others who are happy solving their regular of puzzles. So depending on the difficulty you might end up getting more worked up.
Also a part of the adjustment is to learn to filter a lot of involving discussion about how your work sucks and how the boss was acting all jerky today and how your colleague’s friend is earning twice than u are while doing the same job. How your company is trying to suck the marrow out of your bones and still treat you like junk. I hate this world. I hate my job. I hate my manager. I hate my HR. I hate my boss 🙂 Have to start taking them lightly.
Oh!!! So many things.. Sure the transition from college to job is a big one.