The other dimension

The other dimension is the one where you let yourself dive into only when you can’t control it to be otherwise. Please spare if things don’t make sense as I am not in my senses 😉

I have bozzed a lot today, and to top that I for the first time fagged today. As bhale says I am virgin nomore ;). I was afraid to do so, because it’s very tough to control all the zillions of emotions that are waiting to burst out from inside. I keep them trapped under the constant protection, but today I let go, just to see what comes out. Anyway everyone around is dear one and I won’t mind sharing anything with them, though I do the same often. Sorry Guys.. To keep my life a mystery from you, but i don’t want to hurt you all by sharing everything that goes inside this unstable mind.

I think, I whistper, I yell, I cry but all that is restricted to me. My sorrows are for me and my love is for thee. I had a real nasty split-up but i have to shelve my emotions so that I can take care of her, I had to hide it from her and from myself so that she can’t see anything. I asked her one last time and she still said that she can’t go ahead at this point of time. She loves me more than I love her and if she have to make such a decision than the situation would have been out of her control, as it’s always with moms. Funny thing is I am trying to help a girl get over me !!! I don’t regret that I loved her. I am glad and thankful to the lovely girl who came in my life and changed it a thousand times over and over and continues to do so.

I had two choices as AR Rahman said on the Oscar Stage “Love or Hate. I always chose love.” Sooner or later I was able to convince myself that only love wins. Nothing else. Moli bhai’s book “Tuesdays with morrie” Just strengthened that wisdom.

Anyway enough of that. Good thing is I experienced unconditional love, something that ur friends and parents also do but few of us never care much about that, until it’s from a dreamgirl. Better late than never.

Today’s evening was special. Most of my dear friends were there and I loved putting my arm around their shoulder and feeling the affection in the touch and the smile on everyone’s face. It felt life. yes I did feel it. I work my ass off most of the time because I love slogging. Something i learned before I learned to write. But i knew long back that their is something called survival and something called life.

I have been surviving for long, Now I want to live. I am not in denial. I just suppress my emotions. I have no specific choices. I take the path of maximum obstruction and minimum results the first time so that it helps me learn more things than i can by doing it the natural and accepted way. That’s no fun.

I am boring. But not always. If something went wrong and it went wrong then I am responsible. It makes me not repeat my silly mistakes. I don’t enjoy life to the fullest, in spite of the fact that i know it really well that it’s stupid to do so.  I do things at times when I am completely aware that I shouldn’t be and vice-versa. I love complexifying situations, It’s fun.

I feel sorry for paining my friends which I do quite often. By default I am of extremely conservative nature but I better that in general. If we are what we act and not what we think than I am fine else there are reasons to be worried about.

All in all As shruti says. Start believing in urself. I am somewhere in the beginning of that.But, again if the beginning if the most difficult step then I am well on my way, because one thing I am sure of is that I have definitely crossed that stage.

Wish me luck. It’s a long way.

Love u all my friends and everyone that came into my life and gave me another reason to love.

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8 thoughts on “The other dimension

  1. Only when you’re done and over with the best
    Will you realise that there is more than nothing to the rest

    There’s more out there for you 🙂

    A suggestion: listen to “Float On” by Modest Mouse. The refrain will help.

  2. I think you are progressing on a right path – be an example by action not only by thinking. Don t compare yourself with others as you are already what you think, make belief stronger. When you have gone some distance, world will be able to recognize your unique identity. But ignore that recognition and keep on discovering your truth.

    I am particularly inspired by you for many reasons. You have a large share in my roll model making. I still suggest in an orthodox manner to continue your restraint on fagging and boozing. Hope I am not offensive.

    All the best for your journey to yourself.

  3. @Moli – Anything for love 🙂 Love u.
    @bachha – 😀 If i could have done better, I would have 🙂
    @Achal – I will give it my best shot.
    @Abhishek – Thanks buddy for the information. The song was awesome.
    @Priya – 🙂 Thanks for the wishes.
    @Narain – u can never be offensive dost. All ur points noted, but i don’t think i am anywhere close to be anything like a role model.

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