Something is missing!!

I am feeling such a mixture of emotions that it’s really becoming impossible to filter out all the ingredients that are making the soup sour for me.  The major player in making it tough is the face that I probably, deep down, don’t want to accept the reason for this really-really strong feeling. It’s making my heart feel like a heave stone and my head is on overload trying to process the whole shipload of information all the organs including himself is sending to it.

Look up.. Move ahead..

Well since I write for my friends and you are the one’s I can really speak about it to freely I will try to open up. I don’t really want it to sound as if I am in pain. I am not in pain I am below a shipload feeling really heavy and I am not frustrated but just feeling like someone who is sitting alone on a saturday evening at a room with a fan and wasting time on internet when he really wants to be having a blast with a good happy bunch. My roommates went to the swimming pool which really didn’t feel like the best way of  spending the later half of the evening. Thought of going to buy a cheap digi-cam(though i wanted a really heavy DSLR initially) but can’t really afford it right now, still having a camera right-now feels more important to me than not having at all, anyway I am not a pro and a decent 6-7K INR digicam should suffice for now.

Also dropped the idea of buying a high-end cellphone. The idea behing buying it was to support my random-enthusiasm which suddenly comes in bits when I want to note a particular thought, or want to record a sentence or two, or take a snap of something important,or manage my list of groceries and manage the to-do list.. But I have to do without it and will have to depend on my sanity more than “google calendar”. Will do for the time being. I wanted it most to sit and write at places like cafeteria, buses and signals or in a mall. These places fill me with thought and I really get “pissed” when I am not able to capture that moment or idea. I forget it most of the times a few instants later .

Somehow I don’t want to compromise anymore notwithstanding the standing fact that I always had to. Something probably this maddy taught me. Right now I am probably experiencing in person the fact that regardless of how much you earn it always feels less I know someone would ask me to control the desperation and stay cool for some time and everything will fall in place. I am trying yet nonetheless failing miserably at it.

All said and done I still haven’t told the real deal. I am a guy and a very dear friend quoted with lot of confidence a truth about guys. We can’t stand something we hold dear, or to be more flat-on-the-face, feel ownership of taken away from us. It’s against the basic genetic layout. I am not abnormal so I am governed by the above definition too. I say let go to everyone and at times do to, but the cost paid is extreme dis-satisfaction. I just bear the pain of letting it go, sometimes mixed with the happiness of freeing the bounds. But unbearable even so. Who would want to lose something so dear to them.

Then follows the part that haunts me more. We or rather I don’t want/like to lose because when something dear departs it creates a vaccum somewhere. Vaccum being vaccum pulls anything and everything that it can to fill the gap. The worst part here is the more driven and motivated you are ,in general, the more time and effort one will make to fill that gap and if it doesn’t happen soon the more frustrated one gets, hence even more effort . This goes on until someone shakes you out of it. Now there is no one to shake me out of it!!

That’s where I stand. Waiting for someone to shake me out of my excursions towards filling the gap that’s sending pulsations of  anguish every now and then except when I am not engaged in something demanding. Till then keep listening to Avril Lavigne

After all of the bickering did i tell what’s the real deal?!!!

Why are WE here??

I commented on one of the posts vatsap wrote today about – the world never needed anything. It inflamed the burning desire rick-rocketing in me from quite a few days now.

Everyone is looking for the answer – Where did the humans come from? What is our origin. We are building trillion dollar particle colliders to understand the “GOD” particles and another multi-trilion dollars in formulating( and then crushing) theories and insights into where we came from. We are looking at every deep-corner of the universe and waiting for signals from the outer-universe to tell us that we are not alone.

There are a counless number of movies with aliens coming to earth to smash it in thousand-million pieces just for fun!!! Aren’t we doing the same!!!

Just look around – pick up the newspaper, look at the carbon footprint, look at your own house and look at the population.

Now try finding out the data on how many harmful-microbes are required to kill a supporting organism(human being)? I am quite certain that a billion should do just fine to knock you off within a few-err-minutes.

Humans devouring earth!!!

I think we are the exzct same bacteria- virus-fungi-protozoa especially designed to kill our supporting organism( the goddamn – god forsaken planet). We are deisgned to destruct, devour and demolish. We have all the traits of an unanhilliatable pandemic virus. We consume resources at rapid pace, we multiply at even faster pace and we are very innovative to think of new ways to invent new methods to enervate and demolish a whole new set of resources.

On top of it we have the social structure and the professional paradigm. Right from the day we are born, knowingly and unknowingly, we are taught to feed up on the system. We are supposed to have everything that everyone else has. Everyone wants to have the highest amount of resources under his control. We race toe-to-toe and shoulder-to-shoulder with each other trying to race past each other in the competition of who can burn-up some extra resources to earn extra points.

And to top it all we are doing great. The job assigned to us is going at a real-fast pace if we compare the life-period of a human to that of the universe where among the trillil-to-the-power-trillion it will take a few light-years to reach the nearest star we are nothing more than a microbe.

A microbe that’s eating up everything and dying.

PS : If we look into the future, probably we will develop the technology enough to leave the planet earth and reach atleast the nearest planet and devour it and keep moving on. Now i really want to know who sent us organic-robots to earth.